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experiencelifemag.com
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No Doubt About It
We live in polarizing times. It's a period characterized not just by galvanizing issues, but by a great deal of vitriolic rhetoric. Every time we turn on the radio or TV, or even turn around in our homes or offices, we're likely to get an earful of why one person or position is right and another is totally, unredeemably wrong.
By Bahram Akradi |
January-February 2008 |
Of course, like most other tightly wound
moments in the course of human history, this is also a time when it’s more
important than ever for us to seek out some common ground — not just a semblance
of feel-good unity, but an authentic respect for perspectives and priorities
that others hold dear — even if we heartily disagree with their opinions and
their approach.
I’m not saying that we should all just magically get along or
agree. But do we really earn any more appreciation for our way of seeing things
when we insist on ranting and raving at each other, when we invest more time and
energy in drowning out or insulting the “other side” than we do in seeking to
understand perspectives different than our own? Do we accomplish more of the
changes we want to see in the world by engaging in mutual ridicule and
accusation with those who are invested in something other than what we think is
best?
The turn of the New Year is a good time to reflect on how each of us
can seek out more open and neutral territory — or at least more mutual tolerance
— with those who see things differently than we do (for pointers on that, see
“On the Other Side of Right” in the March 2007 archives).
It’s also a good time to cultivate the equanimity
that comes with accepting that we will never convince most people who think
they are right that they are, in fact, wrong. We will never make unfair things
fair by merely bemoaning their unfairness, nor will we make wrong things right
by bemoaning their wrongness. There are far better ways for us to spend our
time, passion, creativity and will — and we’d do well to embrace them rather
than wearing ourselves thin in frustration, righteousness or frantic
despair.
It is perhaps human nature to get some satisfaction out of battling
and besting each other by whatever means available. But the math geniuses
who revealed the logical patterns behind game theory have demonstrated that we
actually succeed more often (and enjoy more rewards) when we find ways to
collaborate and collect on the “bigger win” that usually accompanies common goals.
I’ve read a variety of science stories recently that expose the
negative biochemical effects of hostility, both on hostile people themselves
and on those who receive the brunt of their aggression. I am struck by what a
clear and concrete demonstration this is — right down to the glandular, cellular
level — of how what hurts or insults one of us generally hurts us all.
Of
course, the opposite is also true. We’ve all seen time and time again how acts
of kindness, compassion and generosity benefit both the benefactors and the
recipients of said goodness (for more on that, see “For a Good Cause” in the January/February 2002 archives).
With this in mind,
and with all our personal goals and objectives up for review as we head into the
coming year, I invite you to join me in considering one additional priority: the
pursuit of just a little more unity, and a little more generosity of spirit.
What if, in honor of the New Year, we all set the intention of spending less
of our energy trying to undermine, criticize or be a thorn in the sides of
others? What if, instead, we made a renewed effort toward treating all those in
our midst with civility and respect? I think we all stand to benefit from
keeping an open mind to the fact that we may not always be quite as right as we
think we are, and that others may not be quite as wrong.
In the process,
we’ll give ourselves and all those we care about the gift of more daily peace
and harmony — and more confidence that, by working together, we stand a much
stronger chance of making the world a better and more beautiful place.
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|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
No Doubt About It
We live in polarizing times. It's a period characterized not just by galvanizing issues, but by a great deal of vitriolic rhetoric. Every time we turn on the radio or TV, or even turn around in our homes or offices, we're likely to get an earful of why one person or position is right and another is totally, unredeemably wrong.
By Bahram Akradi | Letter From the Founder,
January-February 2008 |
Of course, like most other tightly wound
moments in the course of human history, this is also a time when it’s more
important than ever for us to seek out some common ground — not just a semblance
of feel-good unity, but an authentic respect for perspectives and priorities
that others hold dear — even if we heartily disagree with their opinions and
their approach.
I’m not saying that we should all just magically get along or
agree. But do we really earn any more appreciation for our way of seeing things
when we insist on ranting and raving at each other, when we invest more time and
energy in drowning out or insulting the “other side” than we do in seeking to
understand perspectives different than our own? Do we accomplish more of the
changes we want to see in the world by engaging in mutual ridicule and
accusation with those who are invested in something other than what we think is
best?
The turn of the New Year is a good time to reflect on how each of us
can seek out more open and neutral territory — or at least more mutual tolerance
— with those who see things differently than we do (for pointers on that, see
“On the Other Side of Right” in the March 2007 archives).
It’s also a good time to cultivate the equanimity
that comes with accepting that we will never convince most people who think
they are right that they are, in fact, wrong. We will never make unfair things
fair by merely bemoaning their unfairness, nor will we make wrong things right
by bemoaning their wrongness. There are far better ways for us to spend our
time, passion, creativity and will — and we’d do well to embrace them rather
than wearing ourselves thin in frustration, righteousness or frantic
despair.
It is perhaps human nature to get some satisfaction out of battling
and besting each other by whatever means available. But the math geniuses
who revealed the logical patterns behind game theory have demonstrated that we
actually succeed more often (and enjoy more rewards) when we find ways to
collaborate and collect on the “bigger win” that usually accompanies common goals.
I’ve read a variety of science stories recently that expose the
negative biochemical effects of hostility, both on hostile people themselves
and on those who receive the brunt of their aggression. I am struck by what a
clear and concrete demonstration this is — right down to the glandular, cellular
level — of how what hurts or insults one of us generally hurts us all.
Of
course, the opposite is also true. We’ve all seen time and time again how acts
of kindness, compassion and generosity benefit both the benefactors and the
recipients of said goodness (for more on that, see “For a Good Cause” in the January/February 2002 archives).
With this in mind,
and with all our personal goals and objectives up for review as we head into the
coming year, I invite you to join me in considering one additional priority: the
pursuit of just a little more unity, and a little more generosity of spirit.
What if, in honor of the New Year, we all set the intention of spending less
of our energy trying to undermine, criticize or be a thorn in the sides of
others? What if, instead, we made a renewed effort toward treating all those in
our midst with civility and respect? I think we all stand to benefit from
keeping an open mind to the fact that we may not always be quite as right as we
think we are, and that others may not be quite as wrong.
In the process,
we’ll give ourselves and all those we care about the gift of more daily peace
and harmony — and more confidence that, by working together, we stand a much
stronger chance of making the world a better and more beautiful place.
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February 2, 2008
Kae says:
Life always amazes me with its coincidences. Three days ago I spent an evening with a friend who was having some issues with her 21-year-old son. He keeps getting into trouble and not learning from his mistakes and his mother keeps bailing him out. So, I felt it necessary to admonish her for her mollycoddling of him. So, when I read this article, I was reminded of how silly that was. Bahram always has good articles with good messages. I am going to send the article to my friend with an apology.
January 4, 2008
PatC says:
I thought about this letter while I watched the Iowa caucuses last night. I know the office will be full of political chatter today, and I'm going to keep these non-polarizing points in mind. Now, if I can just avoid the radio and TV. Thanks.