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experiencelifemag.com
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"You've Changed"
You’d like your loved ones to be happy and supportive about your positive life
transformations. But what if they’re not?
By Anjula Razdan |
April 2008 |
Stress Source
Barriers to Overcome
How to Cope
Stress Solver
Tranquility Inner Peace Aromatherapy Spritzer
So, you’ve taken big steps forward in your life. Maybe you’ve finally chucked
all the junk food from your kitchen. Perhaps you’ve been promoted at work. Or
maybe you’ve simply decided to stop being so negative. To your surprise, some
of your loved ones are less than supportive: “You used to be so much fun!” “Why
don’t we gossip together anymore?” “So, you’re a big shot now, huh?” Now, in
addition to dealing with the big changes in your life, you feel stressed by
the tension that arises around those reactions. What’s the best way to deal
with these stress-producing naysayers? To find out, we talked to social
psychologist Susan Newman, PhD, author of The Book of No: 25 Ways to Say It - and Mean It - and Stop People-Pleasing Forever (McGraw-Hill, 2006).
Stress Source
Other people's sour grapes
Whether it’s an overtly nasty reaction or a simple lack of
support, other people’s negative responses to our positive
life transformations can create emotional stress and disrupt valued
relationships.
Barriers to Overcome
Guilt. When we better ourselves, says Newman, we often feel guilty about
leaving our friends behind or surpassing them in some way. Fear. The
dread of being rejected or criticized by our loved ones can greatly affect
our stress level and encourage us to sabotage our own success,
says Newman. “Your friends may love you dearly, but if they are jealous
or insecure, that could manifest itself in
a variety of ways — they could
snap at you, be short with you or simply adopt an attitude toward you that
they’ve never had before.” Resentment. Feeling that a friend has let us
down or been less than supportive can cause us to feel angry and
resentful. Getting caught up in our own “How could he or she?”
judgments can prevent us from seeing clearly and responding constructively
and may lead us to make mountains out of emotional molehills.
How to Cope
Celebrate your transformation. “You’re entitled to keep your life moving in a
forward direction,” Newman says. “You’re not doing anything malicious or
vindictive by bettering yourself. You should be patting yourself on the
back instead of feeling guilty and stressed out. Adopt a mantra, like, ‘I
deserve to be at my best.’” Use conscious language. Take pride in your
accomplishment and use direct language to tell your friend, “I’ve achieved
something really significant for myself, and I know you’re happy for me.”
Says Newman: “Not only are you relaying how much this transformation means
to you, you’re also telling your friend how you want him or her to relate to
you.” Don’t pathologize other people’s reactions. The greeneyed monster is
a very human emotion, says Newman. “At some point or another, we’re all going
to feel jealous about somebody or something.” The good news? Ill
will usually fades, and people adjust to new circumstances. “Time and
people change — that’s a fact of life. While it’s hard for some people to
adjust, most will.” Be willing to detach. Reassure your friends that
you’re not leaving them behind, but if six months or a year has passed and
some of them are still giving you a hard time, “perhaps it’s time to
consider removing them from your inner circle,” and making some new
friends, says Newman. (For tips on how to say goodbye, see
“Goodbye, Friend” in the May 2008 archives.)
Stress Solver
Away From Pain, Into Comfort
The gentle art of ortho-bionomy can help our bodies unload chronic stress. Origin: Developed in the 1970s by British osteopath (and Judo instructor) Arthur
Lincoln Pauls, DO, ortho-bionomy is based on two fundamental premises:
A properly aligned musculoskeletal system is critical for overall health,
and one should work with the body instead of against it to
promote balance and alignment. Benefits: In addition to reducing stress by decreasing muscle tension, relieving joint
problems and improving circulation, ortho-bionomy also helps to heal both
new and old injuries. Many people have found that this bodywork method is
also helpful in supporting an emotional release and healing, bringing
comfort to survivors of many types of trauma. Best of all, because it’s
so noninvasive, ortho-bionomy is just as good for babies, the elderly and
people recovering from surgery as it is for the rest of us. Simple Steps: The key to ortho-bionomy is recognizing that the body won’t heal unless
it’s comfortable. Practitioners forgo forceful, vigorous movements in favor
of gentle compression, holding, rocking and techniques that create positions
of rest that naturally trigger a bodywide relaxation response. “Think of
what happens to people during whiplash or even through a repetitive activity
like holding the phone to your ear all day long,” Joyce explains. “The
muscles tighten up and go into protect mode, but they forget to let go. The
whole point of ortho-bionomy is to support the body so that it can find
its balance and be free of whatever pattern it’s stuck in.” How many sessions
a person needs depends on how quickly his or her body is able to recalibrate
and find balance. Many bodyworkers, like Joyce, practice ortho-bionomy, as
do other health practitioners like naturopathic and osteopathic doctors.
On average, practitioners charge about $65 to $75 an hour. To learn more
about ortho-bionomy, check out www.ortho-bionomy.org. Anjula Razdan is an Experience Life senior editor.
Tranquility Inner Peace Aromatherapy Spritzer
(The Good Witch’s Brew, 4 fl. oz., $10) No, you can’t spritz away the negative people around you, but you can
create a tranquil psychic bubble around yourself and help ward off
negative vibes with this revitalizing spray. Packed with calming
essential oils like peppermint and lavender, the Tranquility Inner
Peace Aromatherapy Spritzer is a favorite of ours for clearing the air
— both literally and figuratively. Not only does this nontoxic spray
immediately transport you to a field of peppermint and lavender,
it’s also a reminder to breathe deeply and take care of
yourself (instead of endlessly worrying about others). Check out
the full selection at www.goodwitchsbrew.com. — STAFF
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"You've Changed"
You’d like your loved ones to be happy and supportive about your positive life
transformations. But what if they’re not?
By Anjula Razdan | Renewal Department,
April 2008 |
Stress Source
Barriers to Overcome
How to Cope
Stress Solver
Tranquility Inner Peace Aromatherapy Spritzer
So, you’ve taken big steps forward in your life. Maybe you’ve finally chucked
all the junk food from your kitchen. Perhaps you’ve been promoted at work. Or
maybe you’ve simply decided to stop being so negative. To your surprise, some
of your loved ones are less than supportive: “You used to be so much fun!” “Why
don’t we gossip together anymore?” “So, you’re a big shot now, huh?” Now, in
addition to dealing with the big changes in your life, you feel stressed by
the tension that arises around those reactions. What’s the best way to deal
with these stress-producing naysayers? To find out, we talked to social
psychologist Susan Newman, PhD, author of The Book of No: 25 Ways to Say It - and Mean It - and Stop People-Pleasing Forever (McGraw-Hill, 2006).
Stress Source (Back to Top)
Other people's sour grapes
Whether it’s an overtly nasty reaction or a simple lack of
support, other people’s negative responses to our positive
life transformations can create emotional stress and disrupt valued
relationships.
Barriers to Overcome (Back to Top)
Guilt. When we better ourselves, says Newman, we often feel guilty about
leaving our friends behind or surpassing them in some way. Fear. The
dread of being rejected or criticized by our loved ones can greatly affect
our stress level and encourage us to sabotage our own success,
says Newman. “Your friends may love you dearly, but if they are jealous
or insecure, that could manifest itself in
a variety of ways — they could
snap at you, be short with you or simply adopt an attitude toward you that
they’ve never had before.” Resentment. Feeling that a friend has let us
down or been less than supportive can cause us to feel angry and
resentful. Getting caught up in our own “How could he or she?”
judgments can prevent us from seeing clearly and responding constructively
and may lead us to make mountains out of emotional molehills.
How to Cope (Back to Top)
Celebrate your transformation. “You’re entitled to keep your life moving in a
forward direction,” Newman says. “You’re not doing anything malicious or
vindictive by bettering yourself. You should be patting yourself on the
back instead of feeling guilty and stressed out. Adopt a mantra, like, ‘I
deserve to be at my best.’” Use conscious language. Take pride in your
accomplishment and use direct language to tell your friend, “I’ve achieved
something really significant for myself, and I know you’re happy for me.”
Says Newman: “Not only are you relaying how much this transformation means
to you, you’re also telling your friend how you want him or her to relate to
you.” Don’t pathologize other people’s reactions. The greeneyed monster is
a very human emotion, says Newman. “At some point or another, we’re all going
to feel jealous about somebody or something.” The good news? Ill
will usually fades, and people adjust to new circumstances. “Time and
people change — that’s a fact of life. While it’s hard for some people to
adjust, most will.” Be willing to detach. Reassure your friends that
you’re not leaving them behind, but if six months or a year has passed and
some of them are still giving you a hard time, “perhaps it’s time to
consider removing them from your inner circle,” and making some new
friends, says Newman. (For tips on how to say goodbye, see
“Goodbye, Friend” in the May 2008 archives.)
Stress Solver (Back to Top)
Away From Pain, Into Comfort
The gentle art of ortho-bionomy can help our bodies unload chronic stress. Origin: Developed in the 1970s by British osteopath (and Judo instructor) Arthur
Lincoln Pauls, DO, ortho-bionomy is based on two fundamental premises:
A properly aligned musculoskeletal system is critical for overall health,
and one should work with the body instead of against it to
promote balance and alignment. Benefits: In addition to reducing stress by decreasing muscle tension, relieving joint
problems and improving circulation, ortho-bionomy also helps to heal both
new and old injuries. Many people have found that this bodywork method is
also helpful in supporting an emotional release and healing, bringing
comfort to survivors of many types of trauma. Best of all, because it’s
so noninvasive, ortho-bionomy is just as good for babies, the elderly and
people recovering from surgery as it is for the rest of us. Simple Steps: The key to ortho-bionomy is recognizing that the body won’t heal unless
it’s comfortable. Practitioners forgo forceful, vigorous movements in favor
of gentle compression, holding, rocking and techniques that create positions
of rest that naturally trigger a bodywide relaxation response. “Think of
what happens to people during whiplash or even through a repetitive activity
like holding the phone to your ear all day long,” Joyce explains. “The
muscles tighten up and go into protect mode, but they forget to let go. The
whole point of ortho-bionomy is to support the body so that it can find
its balance and be free of whatever pattern it’s stuck in.” How many sessions
a person needs depends on how quickly his or her body is able to recalibrate
and find balance. Many bodyworkers, like Joyce, practice ortho-bionomy, as
do other health practitioners like naturopathic and osteopathic doctors.
On average, practitioners charge about $65 to $75 an hour. To learn more
about ortho-bionomy, check out www.ortho-bionomy.org. Anjula Razdan is an Experience Life senior editor.
Tranquility Inner Peace Aromatherapy Spritzer (Back to Top)
(The Good Witch’s Brew, 4 fl. oz., $10) No, you can’t spritz away the negative people around you, but you can
create a tranquil psychic bubble around yourself and help ward off
negative vibes with this revitalizing spray. Packed with calming
essential oils like peppermint and lavender, the Tranquility Inner
Peace Aromatherapy Spritzer is a favorite of ours for clearing the air
— both literally and figuratively. Not only does this nontoxic spray
immediately transport you to a field of peppermint and lavender,
it’s also a reminder to breathe deeply and take care of
yourself (instead of endlessly worrying about others). Check out
the full selection at www.goodwitchsbrew.com. — STAFF
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