Renovating Kaeti

Upon waking up at 5:30 a.m. Saturday morning, I decided that running an early morning race on my birthday was not a brilliant idea.

I felt better about it once I’d had some breakfast.

My roomie and I drove to St. Paul, and as we were walking toward Harriet Island we heard a huge crash and boom. And then another boom.

“Was that thunder?” I asked, starting to panic that the race would be interrupted by monsoons and lightning storms.

“Maybe it was a bomb,” suggested my roommate.

Turns out it was a bomb. Well, not really. It was a demolition. They blew up the High Bridge smokestack in downtown St. Paul Saturday morning. So we had some nice dusty cloud cover for the run.

Anyhoodle, the race went pretty well. I got a side stitch after mile two that dramatically slowed my pace during the last mile. My chip time was 27:03. (I guess I’ll have to work on shaving my 5K another day.)

I was happy with my time, especially considering the volume of training I’ve been doing. But when I crossed the finish line, for some reason I was overwhelmed with feelings of bitter disappointment. And I was mad. Like “ready to hurt people hogging all the post-race ‘nanners” kind of mad.

Has this happened to anyone else?  Usually when I finish I’m relieved (and might feel like throwing up a bit). This time I was downright cranky.

I sat down and ate my post-race snacks, and eventually felt better about the world. Maybe it was just a biochemical thing.

My roomie got a PR (woo!!) and we had a celebratory pancake breakfast. Overall, a very successful race.  Thanks for the birthday love, ya’ll!

[Photo courtesy of emma.c.]

Tomorrow I’m running a local 5K as a birthday present to myself.

Why would I want to wake up at 5:30 in the #!@$& morning and subject my body to a rigorous pounding on my birthday of all days?

Good question. I have no idea why.

OK, that’s not entirely true.  While I may not have thought this through before I registered, in retrospect I’m glad that I’m marking the start of my 23rd year with a race. A lot has changed in one year.

Last year at this time:

• I had never run more than a mile, and the mile I ran/walk for a fitness class my senior of college took me close to 14 minutes. I was the last one off the track; the entire class sat and waited for me to finish. (Oh, how I wish I could go back to that day and run the seven-minute mile I know I’m capable of now!)
• I was more than 50 pounds heavier.  But it wasn’t the weight itself that really bothered me — it was that I didn’t recognize myself in the mirror. I didn’t feel at home in my body.
• I had a fair share of the crippling anxiety that goes along with feeling ashamed of your body, your lifestyle and your choices. I was convinced that my friends and family were constantly judging me or disappointed in me. Whether they actually were doesn’t even matter — my perception of judgment was the projection of my beliefs about myself.
• I was just beginning to make small changes in my life: eating whole foods, walking every day, reading everything I could get my hands on about healthy weight loss.

I made a goal for myself last year that I wouldn’t go another year stuck in that miserable and exhausting mire. And I didn’t. With the help and support of friends (my roomie/BFF is a constant inspiration, and her fitness commitment blows mine out of the water), family (my parents continue to make small changes every day that lead them in a healthier direction), readers and bloggers (your stories have kept me going on more than one occasion), and perhaps most importantly my coworkers (I drank the Kool-Aid, and it was good), I made the necessary changes and they kept snowballing.

Here are some of the things that happened this year:

• I became a runner (how did that happen??).
• I rebalanced my body weight, and once again feel present and accounted for in my skin.
• I cut out soda, high-fructose corn syrup and other processed junk, and am eating a diet based around organic, whole foods.
• I joined a yoga studio for the first time, tried out hip-hop dancing (I am so not coordinated) and all sorts of other fitness experiments.
• Every day I’m learning how to accept where I am right now, and to make choices that support who I want to be in the future.

The most terrifying exciting part about this all is that it is only the beginning. This was only one year. There is so much more to learn, and so many ways that I will continue to grow and change.

And what better way to renew and reaffirm my commitment to making my life as healthy and happy as possible than running as hard as I can, sweating like a pig and tossing my cookies at the finish line?  None that I can think of! (And I mean that. Which probably just confirms people’s suspicions that I am, indeed, loopy pickins.)

Have a great weekend everyone!

Awhile back I was fortunate enough to win a bike.  This bicycle showed up at my house a couple weeks ago in a big brown box. I opened the box, saw all the (pretty! shiny!) pieces, promptly closed the box and brought it to the Qualified Professionals.

The shop at the bike store was only four to five days out* so I didn’t have to wait long to pick up my sweet new toy. For a couple of days my new bike (name pending) sat in my bedroom.

[Yes, I live in squalor.]

When the time came for my first ride I went in search of my bike helmet from back in my banana-seat days.  I found it (finally) in our storage unit and prepared to embark.

That’s when I made a fatal error.

I stopped in the bathroom and happened to glance in the mirror. What I saw — well, it looked something like this:

[Seriously?]

I am not kidding you when I say that this is the biggest helmet in the history of all bike helmets.  I looked ridiculous.

But you know what?  I went out biking anyway. And it was actually fun. While it reinforced that I don’t know anything about biking, it was 500 times better than the last time I attempted a ride (50 pounds heavier, completely out of shape).

Still, I definitely need a new helmet. I even had my roommate (a much more experienced cyclist) try on the helmet and give me her take, while I donned the one that came free with the bike.

 [Maybe the helmet just draws attention to my already large noggin.]

All I know is that I’ll be shopping this weekend to see if I can’t find something a bit . . . sleeker. Any tips you have (about helmets, or anything cycling-related) are always appreciated!

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*I’m a poser. Before all of this bike business, I would have had absolutely no idea what that meant.

I wasn’t lying yesterday when I said I would announce upcoming races. See, while some people over promise and under deliver, I am the exact opposite.

(This is part of the program where the drumroll would start — if this were actually suspenseful. Or if this were a classic game show. But it’s not. It’s just a blog. Sorry.)

Here’s the lineup:

June 28 — Time to Fly 5K
A scenic race along the beautiful Mississippi River, the sponsoring parties claim that this is a “family-friendly event” and that “there is something for every age and ability level.” What this actually means is that there is something for families, and everybody else has to run around the strollers. What will make this race awesome is that it’s on my birthday, and I plan on milking that for all it’s worth. (Oh, and it also benefits cancer research.)

July 20 — Highland Fest 5K
Another race along the river, except this time we get to run past the — ready for this? — Ford Motor factory! Talk about picturesque. (Photo by Mollivan Jon.)

July 26 — Boston Scientific Heart of Summer 10K
This race benefits Very Important Things, and will be my first “official” 10K. In other words, there will be other runners there and I will have to try extra hard not to fall down, as well as keep my singing to a socially acceptable volume.

August/September — Some other events I haven’t picked yet
What? I’m not that organized.

October 5 — Medtronic TC 10 Mile
Why would I want to pay more than $60 to run 10 miles? Beats me, but I’m registered for the race and the Running Room training clinic, so there’s no turning back now. And it’s the 10th anniversary of the TC 10 mile, which means it’s actually like running 100 miles. Beat that.

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That’s the plan right now. After the 10 mile in October, I am starting to look for potential (gulp) half marathons. We’ll see how the 10 mile training goes. I may decide that only crazy people run more than 3 miles. Then again, we’ve already established that I’m loopy pickins.

One final thought before the weekend (from Tal Ben-Shahar, PhD, in his book Happier):

“The choice we face is between passively reacting to extrinsic demands and actively creating our life.”

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As I wrote this post, The New York Times confirmed that Tim Russert died today of a heart attack at the age of 58. Regular readers know that I have always had a soft spot in my heart for Tim’s smirk and Sunday-morning antics. I would be remiss not to mention him.

Please excuse the mess. Experience Life blogs are also being renovated.

(Photo by Yannig Van de Wouwer)

I’ve realized over the past few months that I spend a lot of time “zoned out.”

Instead of taking lunch to emerge from my cave for a few minutes of sun or human interaction, I scarf down something that only vaguely resembles food and mindlessly scroll through my bloated feed reader.

After making dinner at night, I’ll plop down in front of the TV for the soul-numbing screeching of that harpy on So You Think You Can Dance (turns out most contestants do think that. Go figure).

Even my workouts have taken on an unconscious sort of drudgery. I run because that’s what my rut-of-a-schedule dictates. And I’ve been meaning to reestablish my yoga practice, but I’ve just been so busy (see: reality TV).

It’s scary to think of how much time I waste by being disengaged from my behaviors and habits — from life.

Then, a couple of weeks ago, a very special lady reminded me of a little piece of advice that I’d like to share with you. Her name is Whoopi Goldberg, and this is what she had to say:

If you want to be somebody, if you want to go somewhere, you better wake up and pay attention.

Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit, anyone?

Well, whether or not you agree with my obviously suspect amazing taste in cinema, Sister Mary Clarence can teach a valuable lesson here. Simply put: Pay attention.

How much time during each day do we spend completely checked out? With the growing amount of alluring distractions that modern technology offers, it’s amazing that we’re able to be conscious at all. It takes concentration and commitment — and recommitment and recommitment and recommitment — to be fully present and engaged in your day-to-day tasks. And that’s no easy feat.

Places to Start

Be aware. Hold yourself accountable to your choices throughout the day by keeping a written log of everything you do (try to be as specific as possible).

Review how much time you spent on purposeless activities (Web or channel surfing, mindless eating, jumping on the elliptical and zoning out, etc.).

Ask yourself why you are choosing to spend your time in that way. Confronting the unconscious decisions we make is a great way to start reclaiming our time.

Consider what fulfilling and enriching pursuits could replace the time currently spent as a zombie, or how much you could accomplish — and how much richer the experience would be — if you were engaged in your work rather than just going through the motions.

Try something new. It’s harder to zone out while you’re doing something that you’ve never done before — and possibly deadly if that something is, say, swimming with sharks. Challenge yourself, fully commit to the task at hand and experience the joy of being present and accounted for in your own life.

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My goal, or rather, my intent, in the coming weeks is to live consciously and with purpose. No more aimless exercise — I will be picking a summer event to train for in the coming days (ooh, suspense! Stay tuned!), and reevaluating my fitness goals. I also will be searching for ways to replace my zone-out time with creative and compelling activities. Maybe I could try some sort of blacksmithing class like Laine did. I’ve always wanted to weld things…

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For more tips on how to act with intention, check out David Bohl’s tips at Slow Down Fast.